Just One Of The Guys

“Want to play The Last Of Us tonight?” Trevor’s text said.

“Yeah come on over!”, I responded. “What time?”

“Around 9?”

“See you then!”

I changed into some comfortable gym shorts and picked up my living room. I quickly made some chicken and rice, ate dinner swiftly, and made sure I had the game we wanted to play.

Travor arrived around 9:30, and immediately said “Want to move the couch closer to the tv?”

Uh, hello. You’re talking to a gay man. Of course I want to rearrange furniture.

We move the couch and I insert the game disc into the Playstation 3. We sit down on the couch, drinking Bud Light Lime, when we agree we need to turn the lights off if we’re going to play a scary video games.

For the next two hours, neighbors could hear shouts of “Oh my God did you see that?!”, “HOLY SHIT”, “that was sick man”, and “Bro this is the best game ever!”.

Two guys, just sitting on the couch, drinking beer, and playing a video game.

As a gay man, I can’t help but always be on the search for acceptance. I want to be just like everyone else – I don’t want to be “Jake, the gay guy”. I want to be “Jake, that cool guy who sings and plays video games, and oh yeah, he’s also gay”. Because being gay isn’t all that I am. I am also talented, loving, intelligent, and caring. And gay.

I’ve always had mostly female friends. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, ready at a moments notice. If I had a quarter for every time I cried watching SPCA commercials, I’d have a couple bucks.

But once Trevor went home and we made plans to continue the game later this week, I realized I was just like him. And all the other guys that I am friends with.

In fact, I am just one of the guys, too.

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15 thoughts on “Just One Of The Guys

  1. I don’t think it really matters who we are on the inside, we all have our struggles and want to fit into some sort of group. As I’ve gotten older, and looking after my family took up a lot of my time, most of my “guys” have gone onto their own things and I rarely see them. I think it becomes less about the crowd and more about having a few good friends in your life. Friends that are happy to be with you, just because you are who you are, and not numbers to fill up the living room at their get togethers.

  2. The changes in my family life have got me getting out and about a bit more than I had been and it is both odd and comforting to find that I have more friends than I thought I did. And that they like me just fine for being me.

  3. I think that all of us struggle, or have struggled, with fitting in where we want to belong. The story of you and your friend sitting playing video games is such an incredible snapshot of your life, and proves that you are, indeed, one of the guys. Thanks for sharing this piece of yourself.

  4. I think we can sometimes get so used to being judged that we permanently adopt a ‘brace’ position – it can feel strange when we meet someone who doesn’t think they know everything about you because they know one facet of your life! I like the tone of this – I feel like I can hear you letting out a big breath and just relaxing at the end (my impression)

  5. Acceptance is truly a wonderful thing. I think everyone hopes that the people around them see them for who they really are and not as a label. I’m glad you were able to find that with your friend.

  6. I really love this post. We love to categorize people by a single identifier all the time and that’s just not the case, people are so complex and multifaceted. I like your last line a lot =)

  7. The SPCA commercials make me cry too. And I love a good video game. Especially Doom. We are, all of us, onions. With layers, depth and so much more to us than what others would label us with.

  8. Bud Light Lime? Seriously?
    I loved the lines, “Uh, hello. You’re talking to a gay man. Of course I want to rearrange furniture.” The SPCA commercials make me teary, too. So did the Superbowl Budweiser commercial with the trainer uniting with his Clydesdale at the parade. I had to leave the room. Every time.
    Of course you’re one of the guys, except better! (That’s just my bias because I think you’re awesome, and I don’t know your friends.)

  9. You and I would totally be friends, except the video game stuff. When I was in my 20’s, most of my friends were guys because I’m not much of a girly-girl. And I always felt that they judged me less than girls my age. I get where you’re coming from and sometimes I wonder if it’s more of us being in our heads than the truth.

  10. I’m not a gay man, but I know how you feel. Certain aspects of our personalities seem to define us, but they don’t, really – especially if we don’t let them.
    Loved this. 🙂

  11. I worry about our general enthusiasm for labeling people. Last week I watched “Food Network Star” and their whole thing was, “What’s your hook? What’s your POV? Sum yourself up in 2 sentences?” because it wasn’t enough to be a good cook and good teacher. You had to be easily pigeon-hole-able. It seems like this is the case with so many things. It makes me sad. No one actually fits into a pigeon hole. Why do we try so hard to make them?

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